To the one who Wronged,

To the One who Wronged,

Remember that week before the first Ramadan, when your mother encouraged you about fasting? When your father talked about the taraweeh animatedly and your sister smiled at the mention of Iftar. And the way you, too, felt a buzz in your ears and a desire, a small, dwindled flicker perhaps, but a desire, that this month would be different. You felt it’s enchantment and you counted for it’s majic. This Ramadan, you promised yourself the better. You wanted to change this Ramadan. To get out of the slavery of the world, and become Allah’s, and only Allah’s. To get straight your goals. To become the best person you could be.

You wanted this month to mean something.

But then, two weeks passed and you discreet that you still stood where you began, at the quiet darkness of the cliff to hell. You waited for somebody to come push you back, but you were left at the very edge, feeling the rocks giving up beneath your naked feet. No one came to save you. No angel came down upon you. Emptiness greated you from all around. You still feel lost. You still shout at your parents. You still make your sister cry. Every night, your mom still worries about you, your dad still feels insecure around you. You mock your grandmother behind her back and scorn when your grandfather embarrasses you. The servants still fear your voice, you treat them like slaves rather than humans. You curse and swear at people over the littlest of matters. You still remain wake till two in the night, texting that special someone, knowing that such a relationship is haram.

You still can’t feel Allah reaching out for you in Quran.

You still pass the prayers as a recital of a foreign book.

You still lie, cheat, yell, miss prayers, gamble, steal and sin. And now that the Shaitaan have been locked away, you understand that it’s not the devil, but you yourself who is malign. For nothing works, you keep on sinning.

Over and over again.

All that makes you angery, so so angery. You want to leave everything and retart back to the world, because you feel like you just won’t ever connect. The words of Allah don’t strike your heart like they should. The hadith don’t encourage you to struggle. You can’t feel the majic in your prayers or the satisfaction in doing good. All those powers they talk about, that divine furor, they’re kept a secret from you. And all this makes you draw back, during the third Ashra, the Last ten day, beacuse you feel that they’d just be the same.

You think you don’t deserve Allah’s mercy, His way, His blessings, beacuse your soul has been tainted and charcoaled too much already, your heart layed beneath dirt, your soul too deep in the mud to be saved.

But, mate, that’s where you’re wrong.

Maybe we all sin too much. Maybe we all have a heart that we paint black and white over. We are like that spider which keeps on falling down, who’s feets don’t grip the way they are supposed to. But where mercy and guidance is concerned, there is no one more forgiving than Allah.

Allah Himself calls you:

“Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Qur’an, 39:53)

 

Wait, did you judge yourself a bit too quickly?

For there is no soul on earth that is free of sin. We all do it, lets face it. Even the most honourable and God Fearing among us have a past. There come days when we do so much wrong. Days that make you feel that you’d never deserve mercy. Those mistakes make us into who we are, they shape us to our today. They’re not there to tell you that you’re doomed. Rather, to tell you that you could do better.

You can be an awful person. You can be a murderer, a gambler, a drinker, a sinner, anything- but you are human. Your feeling of sorrow, your guilt, your repentance at your errors, your knowing about your sins- that’s what makes you deserving of Allah’s mercy.

Allah says “My mercy encompasses all things.” (Qur’an, 7:156)

All things- including you. You need to forgive yourself. You need to keep trying, even if you don’t feel that connection, but you need to keep on trying. Earing Taqwa is not an immediate process. It took great people years to reach their exalted position – years. For you, it’s just been two weeks – and you’re giving up already?

The Prophet ﷺ said about people like me and you:

“A person committed a sin and said: ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’


His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them? I have forgiven My slave.’


Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’


His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them?  I have forgiven My slave.’


Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’


His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them? I have forgiven My slave,’ – three times…”

 

(Bukhari, Muslim)

You need to keep on reaching out for Allah. You need to realize that the only one who can save you from falling off the cliff, is Allah Himself. You need to cry out to Him, from the deepest corner of your heart. How can you merely recite a few duaas in a language you don’t understand, and expect that Allah will guide you?

Don’t say that you’ve sinned a too many times. Don’t underestimate yourself, you’re not a hopeless case. Till the day your heart beats and your brain functions, you have a chance. A chance to pick yourself up from the mud, clean off the dirt, and bow down to Allah.

Beacuse trust me, there is nothing more beautiful than that moment when your forehead touches the groud and your entire body is in submission to Allah, and your eyes cry without effort and your heart pounds without fear. And that second, you’d truly feel the beauty of Sujood, and the power of having faith. Like that sentiment of infinite happiness- that moment – that moment of pure connection – you can’t ever earn it in two week’s time. It requires your life, not just a month.

“O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]

This Ramadan is another chance for you. These last ten days are hope – a big one. They could shape your destiny. They could be the start of the time that moulds you into the man you always wanted to be. Your next day – your next minute, even, is another opportunity granted by Allah. Every time your heart beats, it’s another second that the dead crave for, its another chance that you have but those in their graves haven’t. Appreciate that. Your miskakes make you human,  your tears give you humanity, and believe me, they both are different things.

Don’t give up on yourself.  Don’t give up on the mercy of Allah.

There will be days when you’d feel so great, and then days when you’d sin again. But just remember- Allah is All Merciful. He is willing to forgive you a million times. Keep on praying. Keep on reciting Quran. Don’t give up on Allah. He was never the one who walked away, it was always you who turned your back on Him. But it’s not over, not yet.

You just have to turn back.

Over and over again.

May we all meet in Paradise, our ultimate goal, of which the Prophet Muhammad  (PBUH) speaks: “what no eye has ever seen, and no ear has ever heard, and no human heart has ever perceived.” (Sahe Muslim)

Until then, keep on believing.

Yours Sincerely,

The One who Wronged.

(and then turned back)

(and then kept on turing back)

 

3 thoughts on “To the one who Wronged,

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